Do our lives shape us or do we shape our lives?
Can I change or can I not change?
Am I stuck with a problem, or can I deal with it and change it?
As we go about our lives, we are constantly moving and experiencing a multitude of experiences and interactions which seem to play a huge part in our own behavioral development, and often our character and identity seems to be shaped and defined by those experiences. We grew up a certain way, we were influenced a certain way by our parents and friends, our work environment and workplace stress level may play a role, or raising our kids might actually impact us while we are at it, financial reasons and circumstances may have their own influence on who we are, community experiences and social influences obviously affect us a lot, and so many more aspects of our environment, life and living seem to collectively and individually play a huge role in shaping who we are and in defining who we are.
As we move through life and its various stages and experiences, there are multiple layers of our identity and personality that are influenced, with some things touching the more external parts of who we are and some things reaching deep into the inner core of our lives. Often in the mix of all of this, the bottom line and core depth of who we are may slip into the background due to our stress and workload, and often the basic and daily activities of life seem to impact and involved the outer elements of our personality while leaving the core part of our identity and growth in the background. This might be similar to a ship that is exclusively focused on trying to stay afloat in the midst of a raging sea, and getting to the destination takes a backstage priority and perhaps lost in the rush of energy and demanding obligations that come with trying to stay afloat.
Then there are times, like the High Holidays or other unique moments, when we take a step back and think about who ourselves and every aspect and dimension that define us. We think about who we are in our daily routine of life, who we really are at the core of our being and who we really want to be, we think about where we are headed, we think about our weaknesses and strengths, our talents and our faults, on our roles as parents, spouses or a child and so much more of the essentials that make up who we are. As we do this, we often think, contemplate, and play internal games with our minds and emotions as we debate and question whether we can change certain things, aim for higher, or add certain new positive dimensions to who we are. We begin to think that perhaps, no, we should just settle for who we are and accept our personality with its talents and faults, and just try to have another good year and not get stressed out digging and probing into the depths and our soul and trying to change ourselves.
Perhaps our fear of addressing some of the inner dimensions of who we are, is because change is hard, we don’t want to leave our comfort zone, perhaps we think that certain things are too deeply rooted in our personalities and are not subject to change or being overcome, or our schedule is tight enough as is and there is no time to start adding anything. Perhaps we have met failure many times in the past, or perhaps we have committed but forgotten to follow through in the past, and perhaps there is a chance that we actually LIKE who we currently are and see no need to change.
Whatever the case, there is a striking piece in this week’s Torah portion that shares a small but very powerful aspect to understanding who we are. This piece is actually a powerful lesson and idea in how we can go about understanding our capabilities and potential and learning to deal with the many dimensions and aspects of our lives.
The Torah talks about some of the aspects of going to battle, and in doing so it uses the wording, “when you go out to battle on your enemies”. Technically the correct language to describe this would be “battle with your enemies” not “on your enemies”. Yet we know that each word in the Torah contains a specific meaning and teaching and thus this change of language is there for a specific reason. In fact this word change is not only a slight difference in usage, rather it contains one of the most critical and powerful teachings for a Jew as he or she goes about their daily life and routine and journey through life and its challenges.
Metaphorically speaking, this verse speaks of the battles and challenges of life, which everyone goes through and deals with in one way or another. No matter who you are in life, you can be sure your life will include dealing with daily, weekly and lifelong challenges, setbacks, and experiences that require the willingness to fight, persevere, diligence and much more. Within this context, there are obviously the things that seem like the bigger battles of life, and then there are the many individual challenges, relationships, moments, character traits and behaviors that require improvement, overcoming, or refining. Collectively, every moment, every relationship, every challenge, and every element of our personality, represent and reflect our unique opportunity and field of operations, where we and only we and have been given the ability to have as our area of conquest as we seek to make the difference that is needed to the world we are in.
Our battle is cut out for us; it is a lifelong job that includes constant growth and opportunities at the same time as the many setbacks, hurdles, and weak moments that it may include.
The method of success is based on two points. The first point is the willingness to fight and actually take on our challenges or personal parts of our life that require change or improvement. The second critical point is the attitude regarding our potential success that we take on and confront our challenges with. What the Torah tells us in this week’s portion, is that the way we are wired by G-d means that we have the innate ability to succeed with every challenge that we are faced with. When we go to battle, it is not a level playing field, it is not “with” the enemy, it is “on” the enemy. We start out with the unique gift and knowledge that we have been empowered and given the ability to overcome all of our personal elements of our life in one way or another, both in the bigger picture of life, as well as in its millions of details and pixels.
Succeeding may not be an overnight job, it may require work and perseverance, it would probably include picking up some tools of the trade and strengthening our Jewish knowledge and commitment, it may even include some apparent setbacks, but ultimately we can keep going forward with the knowledge that we will and can succeed.
Yes, many circumstances, events and influences have helped shape who we are and where we are at, but according to Judaism, life is what we make it, not what it makes of us. The ability to change and improve is an age old gift that we have been entrusted with, as this is the staying power of the Jew, the energy that enables Judaism to continue to flow and flourish, and the key ingredient of a healthy relationship with G-d and with our loved ones.
As we prepare for a New Year, with Rosh Hashanah and the new school year right around the corner, it is the time to begin thinking of our own personal and communal playing fields and how we are doing with it. We can go forward in a pragmatic, yet determined manner, that the New Year and perhaps the weeks leading up to it, are going to be different and better in tangible and specific details.
Map it out, plan the strategy, go for it, and yes it will be an even better and brighter year to come!