Every Shabbos my kids spend many hours playing with each other and with my wife and myself. These moments are very special as they bond and play and enjoy Shabbat, each other and the pure pleasure of being children. Usually at the end of Shabbat the floor of their rooms cannot be seen as they are covered in a layer of Lego, puzzle pieces and much more.
While the playing is always so much fun, for some reason when it comes to clean up time it isn't as much fun. But overtime I noticed something really interesting, when I tell them to clean up; they will usually do so although sometimes it takes a bit of gentle encouragement etc. For some reason which is still beyond me, sometimes one or two of them are not so thrilled with the concept of clean up time. However, when I decide to bend down and help clean up a few pieces along with them, they will happily clean up at triple the speed and way more effective than when they may do it by themselves. It is not necessarily that I am doing a huge part of the job, in fact I may be doing just a few tiny pieces but it seems to work profoundly.
To me this is a striking yet simple lesson of how kids learn more by example and role models than by anything else. While words can be very encouraging and bring great results and should not be underestimated, nothing can be as profoundly effective as an active and living example by a parent.
This lesson is emphasized in this week’s Torah Portion when the Priests are given instructions as to how to teach their children certain rules and regulations. The famous commentary Rashi uses the Hebrew word “LeHazhir” to describe this instruction and how the parents should teach their children. Simply put it means “to warn” the parents on their children’s responsibilities and obligations. However the Lubavitcher Rebbe pointed out that the word “LeHazhir” also means “to shine” and “to illuminate”, and the use of this word to convey the teaching is perhaps one of the most powerful parenting tools and tools of education. To convey the best to your children, do it through example, be the shining example of what you are seeking to convey. When you do so, you are guaranteed that you will make an impact and the children will take it to heart. Words can be said and repeated and even shouted and screamed, yet they may fall on deaf ears and perhaps not achieve the maximum results. A living example of appropriate behavior and of the beautiful values and ways of Judaism is the best way to go to achieve guaranteed results.
Looking forward to another Shabbat and some quality time with my kids and their toys.
Good Shabbos
Yisroel