Did you know that around 27% of adults are estranged from at least one parent?
Did you know that according to a YouGov Poll, 38% of American adults say they are currently estranged from any of a sibling (24%), a parent (16%), a child (10%), a grandparent (9%), and a grandchild (6%)?
Do these statistics shock you?
These are crazy figures and point to a deep issue that needs to be addressed and corrected.
I am sure that there are so many dynamics and aspects to this issue and I don't profess to understand all the varying pieces that are causing this breakdown. However, one thing I am sure of, is that no community is exempt, and sadly this is a painful reality which I see all too often, which causes so much deep heartbreak and pain.
Obviously it is a complex dynamic with many varying causes, issues and differing situations, and probably there are times, when abuse and other very difficult situations may have occurred, which take things to a whole other level.
What can Judaism tell us about this?
- Love your children unconditionally.
- Respect your children and show them you truly believe in them.
- Spend quality time in conversation one on one with no goal other than to be there with them.
- Honor and respect your own parents all the way.
- Don't cut off people from your lives simply because they offended you or you are annoyed at them.
- Remember your children see you and the way you treat others in your lives.
- Money is a tremendous resource, but sadly it can become a divisive issue in families. Love and family unity is more important.
- Learn to be forgiving, even when it isn't easy.
- Faith in G-d and remembering that working through things is part of our collective destiny.
This week, we read the incredible story of Joseph, one of the most riveting stories in the Torah, in which he was sold into slavery by his own brothers. First he was a slave, then he was falsely accused and thrown into prison, where he languished for years.
He no doubt suffered so much, cut off from his family, pretty much forgotten about, and even looked at as different within the social circles of jail.
He is also someone who certainly carried so much pain, as he more than anyone else in the Torah, cries repeatedly later on in the story, no less than eight times. In fact he cries with such tremendous intensity that all those around him even outside the palace, heard his pain and cries.
When he finally reveals himself to his brothers they recoil in shock, as they worry what will now happen, even as they are filled with remorse. Joseph calms them down and repeats a message to them which contains such a powerful message to all of us.
Joseph says "You intended evil for me but Gād meant it for good.".
He doesn't say, well I am not going to get you back as that wouldn't make sense, instead he says, even though you actually intended bad, I realize that it was a part of a much bigger Divine Plan, for good.
He then proceeds to explain to them, that thanks to their act which was done with bad intentions, G-d had placed him in a position to save them and their families and so many others, from a terrible famine.
Later on in the story, after Jacob passes away, the brothers get scared that maybe now, Joseph will finally get revenge on them and punish them. Joseph cries when he hears that this is what they are thinking and at this point he has completely forgiven them and only wants to do them good.
Of course, achieving this kind of mindset for the moments when people insult us and hurt us, is not easy and probably very difficult it times, we have all been there. Yet the Torah tells us this story, as the attitude of forgiveness and being mindful of a higher purpose in the complicated aspects of our relationships, are certainly things to keep in mind.
Of course forgiveness is good for the person forgiving who will no longer hold a grudge and it is important for the person being forgiven. Joseph though, adds another dimension, the pain and the challenges themselves, are part of our destiny to become better people and be there for each other.
In a world, where so many things are disposable, including relationships, friendships and more, the lessons of this week's portion, can provide a compass in what we strive for and what we can do as a society to heal relationships, create more understanding, be more forgiving, and learning to love and respect our loved ones, parents, grandparents, siblings, spouses, children and others, because these are the part of our collective destiny, to love, unite and be whole.
May our focus on a higher and collective purpose, combined with healthy love and respect for one another, help us collectively all succeed in creating more healing, forgiveness, unity and harmony, in all of our relationships.
What starts within, will have ripple effects to the circles around us and beyond.
Shabbat Shalom & Good Shabbos
Yisroel