I recently had my annual physical with my Doctor and thank G-d all is well. As we finished the physical part of the checkup, we then spent about fifteen minutes chatting about life, our children, their interests, his visits back to his hometown in Pakistan where he is going for the first time in over three years this summer, what village life was like for him when he grew up, his elderly mother, faith, and so many more topics.
As we said good bye and I wished him well on his trip, he said to me, “This morning, when I saw your name on the appointment list I was so glad, as I always love chatting with you about life and look forward to our meetings. Please keep me in mind in your prayers”.
I walked out of the appointment grateful for another good clean bill of health, and also contemplating the words my doctor had just shared with me and the personal connection we have been able to forge together over the last few years simply by exchanging a few extra sincere words at our visits.
------------------------------
Recently one Shabbat, our family, guests and camp counselors spent the final hour of Shabbat, studying the beautiful teachings of the Ethics of our Fathers. One of the ideas that we studied stated a simple yet powerful idea from the famous Mishna sage, Shammai, “Make your Torah study a permanent fixture of your life, say little and do much, and one should receive every man with a pleasant countenance”.
The latter point of this Mishna has three simple ideas,
1. Greet People
2. Every Person
3. With a pleasant countenance
In other words, a simple tool to help build a better community and society, starts with greeting people and being welcoming and kind. It may be a simple good morning, a hello, a wave, or an acknowledgment of some other kind, but whatever it may be, it is an action affirming the existence, presence, and purpose of the other person.
The Mishna then states, that this applies not just to people you know, but even to people you don’t know and may not be familiar with. The reason for this is since indeed every human being is created in the image of G-d and needs to be treated and respected in that way.
Lastly, it states that one should do this “with a pleasant countenance”, in other words, do it with a smile and genuine friendly facial expression.
Shammai, who himself was an introvert and at times a demanding and stringent person, taught us that if we can apply this simple teaching of how to greet others, we will create warmer feelings among people, new friendships and connections will blossom, bridges and divides will be crossed, and less people will fall through the cracks.
------------------------------
We live in a time when society is more connected than ever before, via technology and social media platforms. Yet on the other hand, today's society is perhaps so often more isolated, less personal and experiencing more loneliness than in past generations.
Mass shootings have become a new terrible norm, and our country was rocked yet again by another senseless and evil tragedy, this time in Highland Park, IL. More and more we hear people questioning what is happening in our society and what can we do about it.
A staggering 107,000 people in this country passed away last year from drug overdoses and a further 50,000 people passed away from suicides. These are dramatic and terrible numbers, with each person being a unique soul and individual that was snuffed out, who have left behind grieving and devastated family members and friends.
Perhaps, precisely at times like this the timeless words of this Mishna, can serve as a powerful and simple tool that can literally change our world.
------------------------------
I recently heard about an article in the New Yorker magazine that described the experiences of a forensic psychologist in San Francisco whose job was to trace the path and circumstances of the many hundreds of people who have perished by jumping of the Golden Gate Bridge. He had described that over the years he had become immune to the pain, as he repeated the familiar rote of a visit to the house of the victim, talking with the shocked and grieving family, and then being shown a room with a suicide note.
One day, he entered one home after a suicide and repeated the same process he always did, but this time he froze and became deeply emotional as he read the one sentence suicide note.
The note stated this message, “I have decided to end my life, but if one person says hello to me on my way to the bridge to commit suicide, I will turn back”.
It is a tragic and painful story, but if there is one lesson that is obvious from this note, never underestimate that simple and friendly hello to your neighbor, coworker, child, family member, or someone helping you out in a store, medical office, or anywhere else.
Simply being friendly and recognizing the spark of G-d and humanity in your fellow being, is much more powerful than we think. It validates people, enables them to feel their intrinsic worth, uplifts their spirits, creates connections, builds positivity in society, and so much more.
At a time when this country is in pain and we are struggling to deal with mass shootings, a mental health crisis, and plenty other issues, the teaching of this Mishna offers us a simple and easy way, to make an unimaginable difference to others around us. Say hello, be friendly and add positivity and joy to the world in simple doses as we go about our lives, and in doing so you will be changing the world for the good.
Of course, this will not solve everything, and we need to have bigger conversations about what can be done regarding values, guns, mental health, faith, the family unit and so much more, but this action item, doesn’t need politicians or legislators to make it happen, it is up to each and every one of us.
Today more than ever, our society, youth, from young children to older adults and everyone in between, crave and need real undistracted human connections and positivity more than anything else.
Those simple focused and genuine conversations and interactions that we have an abundance of opportunities for each day, can truly become the catalysts that will help make a profound dent and difference to building a more positive and uplifted society.
Shabbat Shalom & Good Shabbos
Yisroel