Every Friday night it happens, right as I conclude the Lecha Dodi melody, my five-year-old daughter jumps up from her toys or books and runs to me and asks me to dance with her. For a full two minutes or so, I hold her hands, and we go in circles as we sing and dance. Then for the grand finale, I lift her up by her hands and spin her around and around until I get too dizzy to continue and then I put her down and it is time for me to continue my prayers.
Every time this happens, I notice the joyous look on her face and see her eyes light up with tremendous deep happiness as she locks eyes with me as we dance and spin around in honor of the Shabbat. I notice how her eyes look at my face and are so present in the moment to the exclusion of everything else that might be happening in the room. At that moment all that matters in her mind, is the joyous dance with her Tatty since it is Shabbos and we can focus so powerfully on the joy and meaning of the day and celebrate together.
As I dance and spin her around the room and watch the deep glow of happiness on her face, I know that this moment is priceless for her and one that she will forever remember.
Yet those moments also showed me something so powerful, the ability of children to live and be so powerfully PRESENT in the MOMENT.
When I saw that it made me think, and I said to myself that I too, will seek to be in the joy of that moment with my entire being and self. I know that in that moment, that is the biggest gift I can give her and one that she will treasure for ever.
How long is your Attention Span?
Attention spans and the ability to be able to concentrate and be immersed in an idea or activity, are something that have been on the decline. There are studies upon studies that have shown how different segments of society have had their attention span shortened in a large way and find it harder to concentrate and stay focused.
One study showed how college students focus on tasks for 65 seconds, and that an average office worker focuses for only three minutes at a time. The decline in the ability to concentrate for an extended amount of time is affecting every age group and has many different ramifications.
It is a challenge that is a significant one and one that truly needs addressing on several levels. There are obviously multiple layers to why this is happening, and certainly the way we use technology and social media is a big part of this.
This is obviously not to say that technology is bad and no good for society, but it is more about understanding the purpose of technology in our lives and what it can and can’t do, and what it should and shouldn’t do, and then seeking to find a healthy equilibrium.
Personally, I have found one of the biggest gifts one can give to any relationship or friendship, is to be 100% present in the moment. Listening and engaging properly, with your body, mind and emotions and being fully there in every sense.
I recall how the Lubavitcher Rebbe would often tell people to make time for Torah study in their lives and pretend that it was Shabbos so that they wouldn’t answer their phones and be distracted. This was a suggestion given before the age of smartphones which are so often within arms reach and beeping and buzzing, yet even then was not such a simple thing. Once our thought flow has been interrupted, it can take many minutes to get back to the place we were just at and were trying to be focused on.
A Lesson in Being Present
In this week’s Torah portion, there are several lessons which focus on the importance of being present in the moment.
Miriam who leads the women in song after the Splitting of the Sea, takes the song up a notch from how Moses does it, and has the ladies dance and use musical instruments too as they expressed this song of thanksgiving. In other words, for Miriam and the women, it was beyond simply saying the words and being happy, but about investing one’s entire being in the moment, where body, hands, voice, and mind are all in sync in expressing a song of thanks that comes from the depths of the soul.
Likewise, the Torah tells us that Moses had to forcefully lead the Jews away from the seashore after the miracle of the Splitting of the Sea. The great commentator Rashi explains, that the Jews were busy gathering up certain spoils that had washed up on the shore that they felt they should take and put to good use in the desert. Yet Moses comes along and had to force them away and get them moving on their journey to Mount Sinai.
In Chassidic thought, this incident is discussed at length and there are many layers to the story, yet one profound lesson which is highlighted, is to learn from them how one must be fully focused and invested in an experience. They were immersed in their activity to such a great degree, it took Moses to force them away to move on to the next job.
If we can learn to be present and invested in doing the good things that we need to accomplish in life, to such a degree that we have to be pulled away or force ourselves away from one thing to move on to even the next good thing, we will all doing much better.
Of course there are times when we cannot get lost and overly immersed in activities or even study. There is another Chassidic anecdote of how the founder of Chabad, the Alter Rebbe, once heard his grandchild who was then a little baby crying in his cot and went to console the child. Yet afterwards he rebuked his son who was deeply involved in the study of Torah and had not heard the cries of the child. He told him that no matter what is happening and how deeply engrossed one is in learning, one should never not hear the cry of a child.
Yet the bottom line is, imagine if we are fully present in every conversation, imagine studying and allowing oneself to be fully engaged and not easily distracted, or imagine being there for our spouse or children with our minds fully present. Imagine how society would look and how relationships and productivity would look.
Ultimately it is not something that should end with our imagination, but rather with a plan of action and soul searching, for how we can make more of these moments and experiences in our lives. Doing so will make for healthier relationships, a healthier you in mind and spirit, a healthier society and indeed a healthier and better world.
Looking forward to Shabbat which among other gifts enables me to experience so much of that.
Good Shabbos & Shabbat Shalom
Yisroel